Childhood Blues
by Mustaches
Summary: Over fifty-one days, she'll gain the courage to tell him. / Shinaya, one-shot. Based off of "Childhood Blues" by Last Note.


**Honestly I feel like my getting back to writing fanfic's an excuse for me to ignore my drafts, haha... It's been a while since I've written Shinaya, hasn't it? On their own, I mean.**

 **AU where Shintaro and Ayano were once childhood friends, and Ayano's death never happened. And I guess they're second-years, aha. uvu**

 **Kagerou Project belongs to Jin and "Childhood Blues" belongs to Last Note.**

* * *

"If, from this hill, you watch the sky as the sun sets for _fifty-one_ days, your love will be reciprocated!" Enthusiasm leaks out of her voice, but upon placing her gaze on the boy behind her, she could see that he was nothing but skeptical.

Still, he chanced a glance at the orange sky before looking away, placing that familiar bored expression on his face.

* * *

Somehow, their walk home from the hill became a little more eventful.

"It's not like I believe in the rumor or anything…!" She exclaimed, a hand behind her head and another tugging on her scarf. Ayano Tateyama, at age _fifteen_ , believes in such a thing? She can do silly things, sure, and she often does it, but…! It's not that bad to hope, isn't it? Or at least _try_?

"Seriously, how desperate _are_ you?" Shintaro's bag was over his shoulders, a tiny fact Ayano had picked up unconsciously. ( _I – it's not like I watch him that closely either! I just…happened to notice…?_ ) His visage portrayed his common "she really _is_ an idiot" look, and frankly, she's seen it too much for her own good.

(Much to her chagrin, but her test scores and overall attitude are rebuttals to her claim.)

"It's more of…a good luck chant!" Ayano replied confidently, trying to mimic the pose of a hero she'd read about a few days ago. Now his face deepened in its current expression, as if _totally done_ with this air-head of a girl. And, now that she thought about it, he probably _was_ completely done with her. That's understandable, but…

Such a thing like that's necessary for such a situation!

* * *

"So that's…an imaginary number for the answer, right?" She tilted her head at the math problem, brain working as hard as it can. The gears were turning, really, but she just can't seem to get a grasp on the concept.

That's why she had invited Shintaro over to the Tateyama household, pleading with him over the phone until he finally agreed. She felt that nervous ache in her stomach over the realization that she was in _no way_ prepared for the test on Monday.

It occurred to her that she could have asked her father for help, seeing as he was a teacher at her school, after all. Yet her upperclassmen often complained that _he_ , the assigned teacher of the _special needs class_ , barely went to work nowadays. Takane also claimed that he'd also disappear on days when he _did_ work, and that passing the time was torture.

As much as she loved her father, she'd rather have someone in her _own_ grade teach her _their_ material. That's what you'd call peer tutoring, right? Ah, it looked like she was struggling in English as well.

And…okay, she also wanted to see Shintaro.

"I feel like you don't even listen to what I say." A slight push disturbs Ayano from her thoughts, his finger poking her forehead for a brief moment. The touch sent a chill throughout the girl, and she wondered if that was normal. His red pen circles a number, and then a symbol, and an equation's written down below. "It's like I'm teaching a kid…"

( _I've already decided –_ )

Falling in love in Shintaro Kisaragi was rather…unexpected, but here she was, feeling that oh-so familiar pain in her chest just by being close to him. It's an uncontrollable feeling, and the thought of falling for him more and more completely overwhelmed her. With him, there's no stopping this peculiar feeling called "love"; _in the end_ , she wondered, _will he catch me?_

That shortness of breath, that pushing nervousness, that desire to _be with him_ – it was all so new, her sensitivity to such emotions sharper than ever before. She's curious; could this be labeled as her first love? Surely, such a thing's experienced by everyone – ah, even the toughest of nails could feel such agony.

When did she become such a hopeless romantic? She can't help it, she just _can't_. It's a constant battle between bitter and sweet, sugar and spice, all things good and all things bad. It's a swirling cloud of pain, of happiness, of curiosity, of regret, and she wants to tell him.

Because even with such emotions, the intensity of it all ( _this love_ ) is too much to keep quiet about.

And so she'll gather fragments of courage, and after fifty-one days…

 _I'll have them reach the sky._

* * *

"Shintaro…?" Her voice dies out on the last syllable, feeling a heavy dose of guilt spreading through her body. He looked _tired_ , and he sulked on the bench even when she approached him. Her grip tightens on her bag's strap, and her words wobble a little as she tries to clean up the circumstances. It is, after all, in her nature to sort out any conflict. "You know, you don't have to go with me everytime if you don't want to…"

She'd been counting all this time, and they were somewhat halfway through the fifty-one days. What was half of fifty-one? She didn't know right off the bat. But she'd mark it off on her calendar everytime they went, and it _seemed_ halfway done.

Throughout their whole endeavor up and down the hill, she'd noticed that Shintaro wasn't the most _fit_. Excluding some moments during gym class, she picked up his heavy breathing as they made their way up the stairs, and he had to lean against a tree to regain some air. She knew Shintaro's hobbies included sitting in front of the computer and drinking an unhealthy amount of soda (she tried to talk him into diet soda, but he went into a fit about how it didn't taste the same), so an activity like theirs might be a little difficult.

( _At least he's getting a workout now, right? Haha…_ )

"I might as well," he said, getting up and slinging his bag over his shoulders once again. Admittedly, Ayano's hands stretched out just a _tiny_ bit in case of an emergency, but it seemed as if he was balanced. "Besides, it's not safe for a girl to walk around so late."

Noticing the concern in his statement, he was quick to look away, mostly because he didn't want Ayano to see the blush that had overtaken his face. The girl, on the other hand, hid her embarrassment behind her scarf, hoping her cheeks didn't match its infamous red color.

* * *

"See, what did I tell you?" Walking slightly ahead of her, Shintaro spoke with a matter-of-fact tone, head tilted to the dim sky. "It's dark, and it's dangerous."

 _He's treating me like a kid…?!_ Despite the inferiority of such a thing, she couldn't help but grin a little behind that cloth of hers. Indeed, it was rare to see such a caring act coming from Shintaro, and to have it directed to her…ah, love's turned her greedy, hasn't it?

It didn't take her long to realize that walking home with the stars and night sky above them seemed much more comfortable with him by her side. They passed the time with idle chat, sometimes about school work, or her siblings, or fond memories of their childhood. She'd known him for _that long_ , and now, hiding this love she wished could be reciprocated seemed like such a troublesome thing.

 _But I can't confess yet,_ she told herself, burying her face deeper into her scarf as a rush of wind blew past them. Even if they had a trust that was built over many years, to say such a thing out of the blue…it wouldn't work well, it just wouldn't.

 _I want these feelings to reach him._

* * *

 _Small feet stop the swing from its rusty movement, brown eyes blinking at the newcomer. He wore a black sweater, and seemed rather worn down. Her head tilts as he watches him opt for sitting on the bench, while a girl smaller than him, one with blonde hair and a tiny side ponytail, raced to the playground with a smile on her face._

' _I wonder why he's sitting there all alone…?' It was truly in her nature to be curious of others' well-being, and this boy was no exception. 'That's no good! No one deserves to be lonely!'_

 _And so those aforementioned feet stepped out of the swing and marched towards the boy, tiny hands curled into fists in her determination. When their gaze met, and when the girl was at an acceptable distance away and in front of the boy, she took a big breathe._

" _You know, you can probably still play on the playground!" Saying those words rather loudly, she gained some of his attention._

" _I don't want to," he replied flatly, thinking rather mature thoughts at the age of seven. "There's no point in me going there."_

" _Why's that?"_

" _Because I just can't." Even then, he was stubborn._

 _And even then, she was impulsive. She took a hold of his hand, startling him out of his place on the bench. Luckily, he didn't fall, but he did stumble a bit as she began pulling him to the playground. What they'd do, she didn't know, but all she knew was that she wanted to see this boy smile._

" _I'm Ayano Tateyama," she added excitedly, a smile on her face. "I hope we become good friends!"_

* * *

 _She watched him isolate himself, and she felt rather terrible that she couldn't do anything about it. They were in separate classes, after all. Besides, it was obvious that he was smarter than her, and smarter than everyone else in his own class. He'd ace every test with a one-hundred percent; she was lucky to get something past fifty._

 _Indeed, her childhood friend of hers became distant, and seeing him walk alone in the hallways and eat lunch at his desk all by his lonesome tore her in the inside. She didn't experience such a thing, for Ayano Tateyama had no trouble making friends with that bright smile of hers and upbeat personality._

 _But it didn't feel right to have him so alone, especially with their history. So one day, during lunch, she caught his arm with one of her hands near the stair case, their feet failing to take another step._

 _He turned to look at the girl behind him, and she had to stop herself from saying something about how_ exhausted _he looked. There were bags under his eyes, and his scowl was scarier than ever. Naturally she became worried, but upon realizing that she hadn't said anything yet, she opened her mouth to break the uncomfortable silence._

" _K – Kisar – no, Shintaro!" Hesitation lingers in every letter, although she can't exactly back out now. "I want to have lunch with you!"_

"What _?" The surprise is inevitable, but its stinging nature was rather new to her. She hadn't heard him sound this cold before; had Shintaro changed, and was she just caught up in the past? No, that was a dumb question to ask. Of_ course _he changed, because he'd grown much taller and loomed over her with a gloomy presence surrounding him. "Why do you want that? Don't you have friends?"_

" _Yeah, but…" Her grip tightens, and that resolve from years ago came back to her. "I want us to become good friends again, Shintaro!"_

* * *

The sun was setting for the fifty-first time, and Ayano's heart was beating much faster than ever before. It was an irregular pulse, and it often skipped around in her chest because of its abnormal speed. There was a lack of oxygen _everywhere_ , the atmosphere changing drastically on that hill. It was anxiety, she concluded, that messed with her senses and ability to think properly.

Had she gathered enough strength? She thought of backing out, but she didn't want these fifty-one trips up and down the hill to be all in vain. No, she wouldn't, not after all the trouble they've both gone through. _Even if you didn't have to go, you still went with me._ With a hand over her chest, trying to calm down this nerve of hers, she tried to avoid the boy beside her as much as she could, for she couldn't face him at the moment. _You don't really think this about yourself, but Shintaro, you really are a kind and caring person…_

"So now that that's over with, I guess it's time for you to confess, huh?" His voice, once again, breaks her thoughts, although she's still got her line of vision at the orange and yellow clouds, musing about how nicely the colors blend together.

 _Just like the first time we met –_

She reached for that hand of his once more, feeling its warmth and familiarity shock her into reality. Ayano knew that his skin was still a new texture, ut she wanted to get to know it better.

"Shintaro!" _On top of this hill, alone, I'll tell you what I really feel!_ "I like you! I really…I really like you, Shintaro! I really like you, and I want to make you happy!"

Were her eyes playing tricks on her, or did his face turn red? Seeing such a reaction was so sudden, she didn't know what else to do but hold on to his hand with both of her own, shaking a little at her confession.

His way of hiding his embarrassment was still a new sight for her, and even then, she found herself loving it – loving _him_ , she decided to tell herself, because denying her feelings were no longer necessary.

She expected him to pull away, but instead his free hand pinches her cheek.

"O – ow, Shintaro, don't – "

"You're really late, you know." He spoke with a gentle tone, and she felt herself falling in love with that small grin of his. "I really like you too, Ayano."


End file.
